Taylors Helping Hands is a charitable organization dedicated to the memory of Taylor E Cothran.

  2 Corinthians 1:2-4 "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Churst, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."(NIV)


Home Moms Blog

March 22, 2010

It's coming fast and furious, the 24th. I don't exactly know how I'm gonna act. The first birthday I was in Cola holding a blood drive in his memory, so I made it through it because I had to and I didn't have time to 'go there'. Last year and I can't beleive it's been a year, I was home, and it wasn't too bad, I was with my mom and sister and we spent time at his grave. But the BIG 21, I just don't know.

21 the rite of passage from being a child to being a grown up, at least in the eyes of the world. Birthdays have always been a big deal growing up. Pop tart with a candle in the morning, a family dinner - what ever you wanted to eat and your cake (Strossner's was the mack daddy choice!) 13, 16, 18 and 21 are the biggies. After that it kinda goes to 25, 30, 40... not so much 'fun'! But still complete with all the usual fanfare. That was YOUR day, phone calls from everyone, YOUR day!

A song spoke to me saturday and I just want to share it. While I'm waiting by John Waller

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

I'm not a good waiter, just like waiting on your birthday to get here, to have your day. So, God with your help, I will wait on you and though it's NOT easy, I pray I can faithfully wait.

 

 

 

 

 

 

March 21, 2010

What a day! spent 2 hours with the boys from the Miracle Hill Boys Shelter at Frankie's fun park. Held a birthday party in Taylor's memory for the 18 boys who stay there. But they didn't know it, didn't want it to be a sad occasion, but one in which these boys felt special. I wish I could've had pictures but privacy for the boys makes it such they need protected from some of the reasons they've been placed there. 18 boys who were so happy to be treated to a rainy sunday afternoon of 'random fun'. I was hugged, thanked, and it was so crazy it kept my mind off the reason we were there. Because Taylor wasn't. He told me before that Frankies would be the place he would have 'random fun' once he could drive! And son, we certaianly did!

One boy asked me "why did you do this for us?"

I just told him that I wanted them to know how special they are. God has plans for thier lives and there are people in this world who care about them. Just go out and make your life count, do great things and make a difference.

Now to just rest, maybe NOT think about wednesday.

birthdays though the years...

 

March 19, 2010

 

How do you let go? We all have to eventually and all the time. We let go of old clothes that don't fit, that friendships and relationships that aren't 'right', let go of some feeling that we just realize is just too much to keep it going, let go of some simple things and some that we just realize we can't do anymore, like fit into that pair of jeans or that our bodies just won't do 'that' anymore.

I'm letting go of some things, and I know that's best. Besides the pair of jeans and the fact my body isn't going to be what it was back in the day! I'm going to try and let go of some other things too. Certainly not all that I need to, because I'm human and even if I could I might just implode! But every now and then I let go of something, hopefullly not letting slip things I need to keep.

I've let go some of the facebook 'friends' of Taylor's. One's who have gone on without us. Not that that isn't what they should do, let go of him and those 'days' that seem to be getting further and further from the "you are here" box. But watching from the sidelines just isn't good for me. So, I'm slowly releasing my grasp on that part of my past that still sits on my present and future.

I'm going to let go of my house. Hopefully soon. It's where we've lived for 10 years. 7 of them as normal people (haha) and the last 2 1/2 in a house of memories that I just feel like I need to let go of. It's going to be hard to let go of his room. Moving to a small place, without a room for my son. How will I be able to pack up his life and just not unpack it? His clothes and stuff still sit in his room like he was just there yesterday. I like that, but I need to let go of this house.

I'm also planning to get rid of alot of stuff in the above house. All I want is my personal belongings and certainly all of Taylors. But couches, ornamental decorations, even the spoons and towels hold no value to me. Just let it all go.

I know I have a longer list of letting go, but I'll just start with a couple, I'll call it my letting go resolutions.

There are things I've had to let go of that I didn't want to. My youth, my father, my son.

But I do know that God will never let go of me. Even in the deepest time of despair, He held me, even when I didn't even know it or feel it. I don't know why things happen, I'm not even sure if I want to know. Not even sure if I wouldn't atempt to try and change God's mind. (well honestly I've done that more times than I can remember. Thankfuly he knows my heart and loves me enough to keep to his devine plan.)

So, letting go. And yet hanging on tooth and nail.

 

March 18, 2010

Don't even care that it's St. Patricks day. It's one week from today from your birthday son. So, I'm just biding my time till after the 24th.

I get these daily devotionals on line and this one spoke to me:

God's Timetable
Larry R. Kalajainen
Mar 9, 2010

God's Timetable, Not Ours

I heard a story which illustrates how we often confuse God's timing with ours.

A country newspaper had been running a series of articles on the value of church attendance. One day, a letter to the editor was received in the newspaper office. It read, "Print this if you dare. I have been trying an experiment. I have a field of corn which I plowed on Sunday. I planted it on Sunday. I did all the cultivating on Sunday. I gathered the harvest on Sunday and hauled it to my barn on Sunday. I find that my harvest this October is just as great as any of my neighbors' who went to church on Sunday. So where was God all this time?"

The editor printed the letter, but added his reply at the bottom. "Your mistake was in thinking that God always settles his accounts in October."

That's often our mistake as well, isn't it -- thinking that God should act when and how we want him to act, according to our timetable rather than his. The fact that our vision is limited, finite, unable to see the end from the beginning, somehow escapes our mind. So we complain; we get frustrated; we accuse God of being indifferent to us. That's when God gently reminds us that... "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts". (Isaiah 55:8-9)

God's timetable is perfect. He will do exactly what is best for us - in His own time - according to his wonderful plans for us, because He loves us so much.

Wait! Be patient! His clock may show a different time than our clock, but it's the right one.  

_______________________

I'm finding myself learning this lesson with every remberence that comes. It's nice to see confirmation that we all struggle with God's timing. My faviorite quote is "if you want to see God laugh, tell Him your plans!" Amen.

So, God, please keep reminding me how perfect your time is by glimpses of you in my pain and my life. I will try and rest in your perfet plan. I believe, please help my unbelief.

 

March 14, 2010

"how high's the water mama?" "1 foot high and rising." "how highs the water mama?" "2 feet high and rising."

I remember that song from my dads Johnny Cash album when I was a kid. Kinda feel like this in March. Taylor's 21st birthday is coming up the 24th. Every day seems like it's getting 1 foot high and rising! How is it going to be when we finlly get to the 24th? I waited for this day for, well, 21 years. The day he would be 'done' so to speak. Ready to venture out in the world, as a self sustaining adult in the world. Maybe by this time he'd have found the 'one', engaged maybe? By now his life's work would be secured at least he'd be on a track of something. Traveled some, maybe a abroad trip. Like the other kids his age....

And yet, here we are. Not where I wanted to be. Not anybody. So much not done, said, thought. So many memories not in my head, not done, said, thought.

I'm having a birthday party for the boys at the Miracle Hill boys home sunday. Frankies Fun Park. We had Taylor's 13th birthday party there. Got a limo, picked the boys up at school, how fun...

But I figure that these boys without a normal home, that they've not had a day that was for them. A special day for "random fun"! Taylor told me years ago that he would have his random fun at Frankies once he got his drivers license! Now I hope that these boys enjoy a day of random fun in a life that isn't.

Maybe one of these boys realize the importance of thier lives, that you can get beyond your circumstances and make a difference in this world, like Tayor was going to. Maybe he is...

How highs the water mama? And can we get a life vest?

I love you son,

mama

 
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